This week we eulogize the Toronto Maple Leafs’ 2018-19 season the only way we know how: by bitching about Mike Babcock and spending way too much energy defending William Nylander. Join us as we lament game seven, rage about deployment and ice time, and debate which hockey player truly captures the spirt of Satine, dying of consumption in a Parisian brothel.
It’s finally the playoffs, and through a nail-biting end to a season full of twists and turns and speculation the Leafs are…… facing Boston in the first round. But that’s fine, and we’re fine, and still have four final regular season games to talk about anyways. Plus: updates on the CWHL situation, revisiting our beginning of the season predictions, and what the Lightning’s uniforms should look like.
This week we start with the heartbreaking news that, after 12 years, the CWHL is ceasing operations. To quote the players, who came out with similar statements on social media following the official announcement, “it’s hard to remain optimistic #NoLeague”.
Also on the table this week: Tyler Ennis’ Masterton nomination, Auston “Beast Mode” Matthews, the coming rise of player tracking technology, and who should captain the Leafs.
Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Toronto, where we lay our scene, from ancient coaching technique to new mutiny, Mike Babcock and Kyle Dubas are…. probably not actually in a blood feud. But hey, the media narrative did gave us a chance to butcher Shakespeare, and isn’t that what watching hockey’s really all about?
We also talk the NHLPA’s annual player poll, the Washington Capital’s upcoming visit to the White House, the tragicomedy of the Ottawa Senators, and Vegas’ new social media ventures.
The Leafs got outscored 23-15 this week. Which is fine. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.
Ignoring all that, we did have some exciting news this week, including a new Leaf to Leaf, Duszak being signed to a future ELC, and the announcement of the first ever Cree-language hockey broadcast. We also answer some amazing listener questions and play which hockey: cryptid edition.
This week, Babcock out Babcock’d Babcock in the most Babcockian way ever. Join us as we send our condolences to the 5’9” line (RIP, we hardly knew ya), Freddie (at least 60 starts is slightly less than last year, right?), and perennial third-line player William Nylander. We don’t actually threaten to fight Babcock, but we’re not gonna lie…. it was close.
Trades are a’happening! Kyle has yet to make a move, but we sure don’t let that stop us from having opinions about other team’s decisions! We also talk the very likely possibility that the Leafs social media team is out to get us personally, McDavid’s two-game suspension, the entirely Fake™ Tampa Bay Lightning, a couple Leafs losses and one big Leafs win.
And if you were wondering if we’re still mad at Babcock……….
The William Nylander Defence Squad is out in full force this week as we question literally every single deployment decision Babs has been making lately!! Fun!!
Also: Auston “100 goals” Matthews scores his 101st goal, the USA and Canada Women’s National Hockey Teams are AMAZING, Jensine and Helen are still swooning over Hilary Knight, and the Leafs… well, they sure played some games this week, didn’t they?
Auston Matthews is a Toronto Maple Leaf!!!! and honestly its a miracle we managed to talk about literally anything else this episode. Still, we found some time to discuss the general hysteria around the looming Marner contract, the Leafs outdoor practice in downtown Toronto, a beautiful pair of William Nylander goals, and our ideal lines for the Leafs moving forward.
Peter Chiarelli has been fired!! Holy shit we can’t believe that it took this long!! Meanwhile, the Leafs wrecked the Capitals 6-3 in a magical slump-busting game, the NHL managed to truly out-NHL itself with the All Star Weekend, some players wore some baller suits, and Dubas held a press conference. We also discuss which Leafs would win what in a beauty pageant, what mascot we would like to spend a week living with, and try and match hockey teams to r/relationships posts.
It's trade season babeyyyyy! And so far there have been.... no trades involving the Leafs. But while the Ducks are busy trading out their entire roster, some other stuff did happen: Buffalo and Columbus' respective mysteries have been solved, Ryan Johansen has been suspended for two games, and the NHL and NHLPA have confirmed that there will be no 2020 World Cup. As for the Leafs, well... Babs, can you turn on your location for a second? We just want to talk.
The Leafs only played two games this week but William Nylander scored so does anything else even matter?
Even though the Leafs didn't have the most busy of weeks the rest of the hockey world was rocking. We talk World Juniors, All-Star selections, and...well...whatever is happening over in Edmonton. We were also inspired by the Boston Bruins' Peaky Blinders cosplay at the Winter Classic to try and determine what era of fashion captures the true spirit of a few other hockey teams.
We’re back from the holidays and more prepared to fight Sabres fans than ever! But first, we have to catch up on a fuckton of games, recap the last-minute bid by the Dallas Stars to take the 2018 Tirefire Management of the Year Award, and provide an extensive play-by-play look at Auston and Mitch’s performances at the Nutcracker. And finally, to ring in 2019, we provide some members of the team with the New Years resolutions WE think they should make (and also begrudgingly make some of our own).
Sure, Willy still hasn’t signed but we’re feeling optimistic!! Mostly!! Kinda!
Either way, we’re not lingering on it, because there’s lots of other stuff to talk about. The very entertaining trash fire also known as the Ottawa Senators is, remarkably, getting worse, the speculation over Mitch Marner’s worth is also somehow escalating, and, oh yeah, there were some hockey games played too.
Trying to forget two games we'd rather not talk about, we help plan Travis Dermott’s sexy séance, find out what unpopular Halloween candy is Ron Hainsey’s soul twin, and tell tales of adorable Morgan Rielly’s past. Also: Auston's shoulder, sensory friendly hockey games, the Pens being back on their bullshit, and more!